you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
