Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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