Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
