This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
