if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
