we made out on top of his cat.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
