you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
