took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
