i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
