just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
