I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
