Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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