guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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