I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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