Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
