Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
