ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
