My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
