I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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