Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
