I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
