After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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