And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
