I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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