last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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