I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
