my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize