I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
