Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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