Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
