Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
