finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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