Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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