How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize