Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
