careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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