no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
