I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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