i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
