You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
