apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
