i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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