do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize