Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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