even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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