this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
