my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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