I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
