I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
