i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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