i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
