HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
