Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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