but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
