Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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