Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
