she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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