i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you inspire me to be a worse person
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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