you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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