did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
