You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
