found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
