Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
