so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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