just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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