And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
