last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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