I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
