My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
