Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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