you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
